Some might think it is weird to post about my dad getting married followed by a post about my mother, but it is not odd to me. It is the way it has to be now. Someone wise taught me that sometimes you have to hold two different worlds in each hand and balance them the best that you can. This has been a time of holding on to past memories and grieving yet trying to make room for the new in celebration. I would be lying if I told you it was easy. It's not.
A few weeks ago I flew home with some of my sisters to go through my mother's things. My mother was not a woman of the world. She did not have much of monetary value. Yet, her things meant so much to us. Maybe it is an effort to hold on to the past. It is amazing how little things so easily bring delightful memories to mind -a favorite camping shirt, a painting, reading glasses, books marked and underlined, a quilt. We divided them up and brought them to our own homes. For now, it is a way to remember the past.
In a talk I recently heard, a story from Joseph F. Smith's life was shared. Joseph was 9 years old at the time. He was camping with his widowed mother and uncle along the Missouri River on the way to Winter Quarters. In the morning they discovered that their best team of oxen was missing. Joseph and his uncle searched for the oxen to no avail. Open returning to the wagon, Joseph saw his mother kneeling in prayer. He said, "I then drew gently near enough to hear her pleading with the Lord not to suffer us to be left in this helpless condition, but to lead us to recover our lost team, that we might continue our travels in safety." She then encouraged Joseph and his uncle to eat breakfast while she took a walk. She was soon led to the oxen. Joseph F. Smith later said, "It was one of the first practical and positive demonstrations of the efficacy of prayer I had ever witnessed. It made an indelible impression upon my mind, and has been a source of comfort, assurance and guidance to me throughout all of my life."
This last quote really spoke to my heart. Of all the things my mom left behind, it was her faith and testimony which still influence me most today. Her testimony has "been a source of comfort, assurance, and guidance to me throughout all of my life." It is because of my mom's example of acceptance and love that I can both hold on to the past and must also make room for new family members. My dad said you never stop loving someone, your heart just expands to make room for others.
